On the contrary, it comes from having nothing.

Nothing but uncertainty.

When multiple life domains collapse simultaneously.

No career.
No finances.
No relationships, family or friends.
No future direction.
Evolving identity.

The longer we live in uncertainty,
the heavier and more futile efforts feel.
The more our motivation fluctuates.

Even routine tasks feel exhausting.

Waking up every day trying to
find meaning in living everyday life.
find things to do to fill the daily void.
create a daily structure that doesn’t require finance or effort.

This is what structural exhaustion is.

Living in Structural Exhaustion

“Living life without structure, aim or direction.

While trying to keep upbeat
To live in the moment.
Keep hope. Keep on going

I tell myself
Something will work out
Sure, it will.

I have done everything I could.
I even checked my thoughts,
not once, not twice, but a million times.

I told myself many affirmations.
To convince my brain to see what I don’t.

I prayed and prayed and prayed,
for direction, inspiration or alteration.

In fact, I even prayed
for anything
to start working
Somehow. Somewhere.

I cried blood and tears.
What do I need to do?
Where did I miss looking?
When would it get better?

I tried to pick up my scattered courage.
One more day. One more step. One more prayer.

It old myself
It couldn’t get worse. It surely couldn’t.

It does and it will,
is what Life said.”

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Cursing The Unfair Universe

For a long period of time,

I followed every new-age fad I heard of.
Read as many self-help books as I possibly could.
Internalized all the advice
Tried them to change my life.

How can I escape this mind?
How can I change how it thinks so it doesn’t screw me over?
How can I imagine a better life when all I see is far from it?

But none worked for me.

On the contrary, I became more scared and paranoid.

Constantly watching my thinking; thinking of my thinking to prevent my thinking from thinking any bad thoughts.
From projecting fear.
From attracting the wrong people.

I also blamed God, fate, karma, the universe and bad luck.

Doing that made me angry, powerless, and bitter.

Living in misery and cursing my fate.

Cursing at this ruthless universe, which continues to

Help some people while breaking some.
Feed some people while starving some.
Bless some people while killing some.
Raise some people while crushing some.

And there was a clear pattern of who the universe liked to help.

A lot of them were “not good” people by the standards of moral judgment.

The Universe is a System

When I started looking at the universe through the system’s lens
Everything suddenly started making sense.

Because I stopped understanding the universe through

• the religious perspective I was raised with.

  or

• the emotional perspective of someone who continues to suffer because she was born in the wrong place.

I was free to reflect on it without feeling guilt, fear or need for protection.

That is when I found the four premises that govern the universe as a system

1st: the universe is neutral

It doesn’t have feelings, preferences or prejudice.

because these require separation

between what we perceive as good/evil, love/hate, light/dark, etc.

From the universe’s perspective, nothing is separate.

Everything is just is.

our misery and happiness
our needs and dreams
our desires and pain

They don’t matter.

Because they are just illusions created by us,

fragments reflecting different particles of the whole.

2nd: the universe is governed by coherence

What truly matters for the universe is not how each fragment lives or feels.
But what the collective fragments create.

Do they create cohesion or chaos?

If chaos is what is created.
Then the universe will have to recalibrate itself.

So, what we see in terms of natural disasters,
is the universe’s attempt to restore cohesion through the chaos we created

It doesn’t matter if our involvement is explicit, implicit, active or passive.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a baby, a child, elderly, a saint or a tyrant.

We all pay for the collective chaos created by us occupying this universe.

3rd: the universe wouldn’t help or intervene

As humans, we like to think that the universe is biased towards us.
That it favors us. That it will reward us.

But it doesn’t.

Because that would require deliberation, intention and feelings.

But the universe is neutral.

So, no matter how much we like to think that the universe (or God or whatever we want to believe in) is actively helping and showing us the way.

It is merely our wishful thinking. It’s our ego’s desire to see it that way.
To feel righteous, powerful and protected.
To deny its responsibility of the chaos it created.
To keep on doing what it is good at doing.
protecting itself and its existence.

4th: the universe doesn’t care

Even though we like to think of ourselves as important and mighty,
that we are made in the image of the creator, and
that there are no other creatures who are better than us.

The truth is that we are only insignificant fragments in an infinite system.

Our personal failures or successes don’t make or break how it functions.

The sun will rise and set every day.
The stars will be born and explode.
The animals will go on with their lives.
The planets will continue to circle around the sun.
The galaxies will continue to exist.
Life and death will continue to happen.

This realization can and will feel unsettling.

Because it removes the expectation

of inherent fairness or meaning.

of power outside ourselves that is responsible for what happens to us.

of reasons to judge others, and excuse ourselves.

of having special entitlement.

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Living Life Without Cosmic Guarantee

When this realization about the universe is examined deeply, it can introduce a special kind of clarity.

“If the universe does not organize itself around human preference, then outcomes are not personal. They are structural.”

Conditions, timing, interaction of factors and choices.

This does not diminish human experience of pain and unfairness.

It simply reframes its meaning.

That it is our responsibility to carry the collective chaos we are part of.
That the Gods of natural disasters will not strike the bad only.
That the Gods of luck do not favor the good only.
That this life is a collection of consciousness and ego intertwined in eternal dance.
That it is our duty to choose which dance we want to join, and that passivity will only increase the ego’s power.

Moreover, accepting that the Universe is not responsible for saving us is not the end of this path.

There are many other realities we must face and accept.

Personally, one of the scariest realities I had to face in my life is the possibility of not having the ONE THING I desired all my life.

I always dreamt of having the love and support of a husband and my children. The belonging with my own family.

This, of course, is the outcome of childhood trauma. Of not having love, support or belonging at the time when I needed them the most.

It is hard to build solid grounds when one is starting from no grounds at all.

So, the mind dreams of miracles to produce that solid ground. In different shapes and forms. Mine was having loving kindness and a family of my own.

This desire made me go through many traumatizing experiences. Choosing to be around the wrong people and seeking stability in the wrong places.

But as time keeps passing by, biology speaks louder than dreams.

And just like I had to grief the life I didn’t get to live because of whatever circumstances I was born with,
I had to face the possibility that I would never have the family, the love, the husband and the children I always dreamt of.

It is certainly not the only possibility in life, but it is one of the probabilities that exist and the scariest for me to face.

For many nights.

Just the thought of it was enough to squeeze my heart so hard, fill my throat with a painful lump and bring out streams of intense tears from my eyes.

But to me, facing this probability was much better than keeping my head in the sand waiting for a miracle that may never arrive.

Better than keeping false hopes of something I suffered greatly trying to make it happen.

And so, the moment I accepted that possibility, I didn’t have to face it, dream of it or wait for it anymore.

It no longer affects my life decisions or my feelings of love or belonging to myself.

In fact, I feel more powerful than I ever was.

Because now I don’t have to worry about life plans that may not happen.

I can be open to life unfolding while I live it.

I can face challenges without depending on outside power to rescue me.

I am no longer at the mercy of anything, including the universe.

Final Thoughts

Don’t get me wrong.

It still feels very difficult to keep peace of mind while life hurls one challenge after another my way.

And life has been generous to me in that regard.

But that is not the Universe’s fault. Nor is it my fault. Nor anyone’s fault.

Every human has their challenges.

We walk in this maze called life and knock on doors that appear in front of us.

Some open revealing monsters in the form of human beings inside.
Some open revealing human beings covered in their own shadows.
Some open revealing humans that feel like God-sent angels.
And some doors don’t open at all.

Whether we faced monsters, humans, angels or closed doors.

Each of these experiences will teach us something and direct us somewhere.

If we don’t learn, we will continue facing similar doors until we do.

Once we do, we move on to next stage.

But there is no guarantee that next stage will be easier.

It’s almost like an RPG game. Our role is to level up until we face the big boss.

Our deepest ego.

But every time we level up, we reach the acceptance stage where we can save the game.

So, we don’t have to start over again.

All we need to do is to move forward from there and be as ready as we can.

With a renewed sense of liberation.

Because

Without the guarantee of external force to come and save us,

We can participate more actively in shaping our own experiences in this game called Life.

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There is an assumption I used to carry about relationships.

That if there is love, it should work.
That if there is sacrifice, it should hold.
That if it is a family, there must be a way to create connection with understanding.

After all “Blood is thicker than water”

And if it doesn’t work, then something must be wrong.

With my approach.
With my effort.
Or with me.

But that assumption depends on the premise that

relationships are primarily emotional.

But as I started to see things from a systems perspective

I started questioning

What if they are not?

What if relationships are systems?

Just like everything else in life can be understood as a system —
work, organizations, societies —
then relationships are not an exception.

They are systems too.
And emotions are fields surrounding those systems.

But systems are complex

So, the assumption that one field, aka love, could govern their compatibility
Is shortsighted

Two systems do not just meet emotionally.

They meet structurally.

Each system brings their unique shape which affects

their function
their way of processing
of responding
of holding stability
of handling contradiction
of giving, and
of receiving

And when those two systems interact, their compatibility field grows quietly…

Gradually
Reciprocally
Respectfully
Morally
Emotionally

Otherwise, it doesn’t.

For systemic compatibility to be stable,

Emotions should be the last field surrounding their function

Not the first, or only

Because emotions are volatile. Situational. Physical or Psychological

Unlike divergent systems which can survive the empty layers of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs 1

The compatibility field between two systems cannot survive the empty layers.

It crashes

Because those layers are not just meant to be filled.
They are meant to be built.

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The “Loving” Shadow

We are taught to interpret difficulty as something to work through.

To communicate more.
To understand better.
To be more patient.
To try harder.

And those things are true most of the time.

They matter.
But only if they don’t destroy the unique structure of the system.

Because systems do not fail at the level of intention.
They fail at the level of compatibility.

This becomes harder to see in family relationships.

Because family introduces other layers of complexity:

Obligation.
Guilt tripping.
Emotional blackmailing.

So, we don’t ask rational questions like:

“Can this work?”

We become imprisoned to

“How can I make this work?”

And if it doesn’t, the conclusion is often internalized.

Something is wrong with me.
I am not good enough.
I should accept more.
I should be more flexible.

We rarely, if ever, think of the possibility.
That the systems are not compatible.
Simply because they cannot co-function without destabilizing each other.

When love is built on genetics rather than understanding.
When harm is accepted for belonging.
When failure is internalized as unreservedness.

It makes sense that leaving the relationship field is self-preservation.

But this is difficult to accept.

Because it removes the idea that effort will eventually solve everything.

Bringing another layer of negative emotions

Guilt.

for not being able to stay.
for not being able to make it work.
for needing distance from people who are not “bad.”
for misunderstanding their “loving” intentions.

Especially that, those systems do not disappear when you step away from them.

They remain.

Somewhere in the background
In the same network of expectations.
like a “loving” shadow you can’t escape.

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Stepping Outside “Love” to Survive

Physical Distance doesn’t always help to step away from the shadow into the light.

Emotional, mental and psychological distancing is required.

But it is often misunderstood or misused. Even by ourselves.

Because as we process our contradictory feelings of obligation vs freedom:

We may feel

• avoidance

• rejection

• emotional withdrawal

• Maybe even hatred

And this is quite natural.
It is the outcome of having a compatibility field built on “emotions + obligations” only.

Having more guilt or anger about it doesn’t help freeing us.

Only structural distance can.

And structural distancing is based on the recognition that:

“This system cannot be co-inhabited
without compromising who I am and how I function.”

This recognition does not require anger.
It does not require blame.
It does not even require agreement.
It only requires clarity.

And clarity changes the nature of the decision.

It is no longer:

“Should I stay or leave?”

It becomes:

“Can I exist here without losing the integrity of my system?”

If the answer is no, then distance is not abandonment.

It is an obligatory alignment.

You can care about people
and still not be able to build a functional system with them.

You can understand them
and still not be able to live within the same structure.

You can even be accepted by them
and still not survive in that environment.

And that is the part that is hardest to say.

Because it goes against what we are taught about love, family, and belonging.

But systems do not operate on sentiment.

They operate on compatibility.

And not all systems are meant to be compatible.

So sometimes, the most accurate decision is not to fix, not to reconcile, and not to force continuity.

But to step outside the system.

Not in rejection.
Not in anger.

But in recognition.
That staying would break something that needs to remain intact.

Final Thoughts

I have tried running away
But I came back

I have tried hating
But it was myself that I hated

I have tried anger
But I felt its weight on me

I have tried to understand
But it blew my brain

I have tried speaking
But I was blamed

Now I am resting my case

I cannot win
Against a “loving” shadow
Without being suffocated
broken and blamed

keep my body
keep my heart
Keep whatever pleases you
Or tear me apart

I will still take my leave

To be truly free

No matter if I am inside your shadow

I will see the light.

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There is a type of work that disappears as soon as it succeeds.

It does not produce visible victories.
or creates dramatic turnarounds.
or ends with applause or measurable milestones.

Instead,

It alters trajectory before damage becomes undeniable.

Unnecessary risk becomes avoidable.

And eminent collapse disappears .

So even though from the inside, a catastrophe has just been evaded

From the outside, nothing remarkable has happened.

“Like writing on a beach sand,

when the tide returns

The words disappear

Only the sea will remember

that, once upon a time, something was written here.”

And because failure never fully materializes,

recognition rarely does either.

To See or Not to See. That Is the Paradox

Timing shapes perception and success alike.

Someone who identifies risks before others experience consequences may struggle to communicate urgency.

For how can you urge people to act when

Warnings may feel ungrounded?
Concerns may feel exaggerated?
Interventions may feel unnecessary?

This is where the paradox of clarity appears

• On the one hand, if action is taken early, the crisis may never materialize —
  making the warning appear unwarranted.

Herein the person who spoke may acquire a reputational cost. Labeled as intense. Negative. Controlling. or Impatient.

• On the other hand, if action is delayed until consequences are undeniable, the cost may already be high.

Making the person who consistently “see too early” suffer as they seek to silence their undesired perception. Guilt. Fear and growing self-doubt.

Neither path is simple.

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The Cost of Seeing Too Early

Systems that resist clarity are simply doing so

because clarity threatens power and politics

When misalignment becomes visible early:

• decisions must be made

• trade-offs can no longer be ignored

• comfortable narratives collapse

Making those in power uncomfortable because they are required

to take responsibility. To act.

So, the person who names the problem “early”

becomes the problem

They are seen as disruptive
not a team player

And the cost of early clarity is often relational

• lonesomeness

• rejection

• being remembered as difficult or demanding

The Different Forms of Intelligence

Being early to clarity does not guarantee influence.

It only guarantees awareness

But when spoken

Others may hear:

“I am better than thou”

And again, clarity feels like a curse to the beholder

Instead of recognizing that:

Intelligence has different forms

and clarity is just one of them

Just like

Some minds operate through compression and speed

Others through integration and mapping

Some excel in execution.

Clarity minds operate in ambiguous, diagnostic environments.

The problem is not having intelligence, but when our intelligence is misread and judged

Over time this leads to
doubting our own functioning.
giving beyond our limits.
performing intelligence in a format that is not ours.
distorting our shapes to fit

Naming your intelligence and believing in it
is self-location

Otherwise

Everything you do becomes a costly performance

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🔹 Final Thoughts

There is a form of intelligence that:

• prevents collapse

• detects misalignment early

• restores coherence quietly

But because it leaves no visible trace—

It is often misread, unrecognized, undervalued or even cursed

And those who carry it may begin to wonder:

whether the problem is their thinking

or

the systems that cannot see it

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Most systems value harmony more than honesty seeking.

Because harmony
Preserves power hierarchies
Hides lies and failures
Normalizes suffering
Produces obedient masses

On the other hand, seeking the truth or speaking it has consequences.

Because truth can
Disrupt hierarchies.
Expose lies and failures.
Challenge roles that have existed for decades.
Ask for reasoning instead of blind obedience

So, when someone names a painful reality — especially one that threatens the image of unity — the system often responds defensively.

Rejection. Ejection. Minimizing. Gaslighting. Projection.

When Family Systems Choose Peace Over Truth

Families are the first complex systems we face once we leave the protection of the womb.

Throughout the years I tried to adjust to fit with my Family System

It was like sitting on a stone with shrapnel
Trying to find the most comfortable position
Or the least painful position

Depending on the way you want to look at it

The shared wisdom in the system was

“Everyone is suffering. You must suffer too”

So, I did.

Everyone is Suffering, But I will Not…

I sat and sat

Until an opportunity came about

To run away. To leave and hide.
To mend my wounds,
the fresh and the festering

Years passed.

My healing left too many scars.
Scars that when I tried to share
No one had the desire to see.

I wondered

Why did I have such hideous scars?
What did I do wrong?
Were there other stones I could have sat on?
Or was there a special way to sit?
Did everyone have those scars?

Welcome to the origin

Perhaps it is time for me to return
For inquiry
For an explanation
For comradery
Or a shared responsibility

It is time for me to show my scars.
Share them
Be proud of them
Belong with them

On my return

I found the stone
With shrapnel
Surrounded by barbed wires
And a display of my name is written on it

Around it sat many stones with different shapes
Some had shrapnel
Some were smooth
Some had cushions
Some were made thrones

“Welcome back!
We waited and waited for you
Maintained your seat for you
And kept it safe for you”

I said “Why? I barely healed.
Here are my scars.
I came to share them
I came to show you
Can’t you tell they are caused by sitting on that stone?”

The Corrupted Conclusion

No one cared to see.

“Your scars are wicked
Your words are wrong,
You must have done that to yourself.
For attention. Admiration or regard
We suffer too, more than you.
We don’t complain, we don’t demand.
The system is good
The system is grand
We live in peace
We ask no questions
We see no attention
We speak no vice
We witness no corruption
Except in you”

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In many environments, coherence is not defined by truth.

It is defined by alignment.

Shared narratives.
Maintained roles.
Unchallenged structures.

This is what social coherence is.
It allows the bigger system to function without disruption.
Even when underlying issues remain unresolved.

Moral coherence operates differently.
It is oriented toward accuracy.
Acknowledging reality as it is experienced.
Naming inconsistencies.
Holding actions accountable.

These two forms of coherence often conflict.

When they do, individual systems face a choice.

Maintain social alignment with the group.
Or maintain moral alignment with internal understanding.

Choosing social coherence strengthens established patterns,
while choosing moral coherence disrupts established patterns

Cultural Fit vs Psychological Integrity

Large systems prioritize
Consistency over accuracy.
Assigned roles over choice.
Fake harmony over truth.

For Divergent systems who operate differently, this creates friction.

Not because one is right and the other is wrong.
But because the operating principles differ.

One requires unquestioned adaptations.
The other requires transparent explanations.

At one point this mismatch becomes unsustainable

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When Coherent Systems Feel Alien

Every system has an internal logic.

For systems that prioritize speed, tradition, survival or social harmony,

Coherence isn’t a primary currency.
Social stability, loyalty to hierarchy and façade maintenance matter more.

For systems which orient naturally toward clarity of roles, agreement on directions, and accountability.

Coherence is the primary currency and major focus.

By living in social-oriented systems, the coherence-oriented systems become confused.

Why does no one address the obvious issue?
Why are contradictions tolerated?
Why is clarity seen as disruption?

Over time, the confusion dissipates leaving a growing sense of alienation on its wake.

The Desire to Be Understood

One of the most persistent longings I have had for a long time is not success or recognition.

It is understanding.

To feel that my experiences are seen accurately.
That my efforts are acknowledged.
That my pain is valid.
and my system configuration is not a mistake.

I repeatedly tried to explain my existence.
clarify my intentions.
provide context.

But all attempts failed and frustrations emerged.

Not because others disagree.
But because all attempts to connect meaningfully felt blocked.
Trivial.
Unacknowledged.

To continue trying was very painful.
To stop trying was very painful.
To accept that I may never be understood was very painful.

There was no escaping pain.

But there was a flicker of hope
one of those painful choices opened a small space, others didn’t.

Acceptance.
It freed my energy.

Energy I was, unnecessarily, depleting by trying or resisting.

And the moment I let go, I realized something.

Understanding can never be achieved universally.

But it can be sought selectively.

With time I learned that being understood by a few

is more stabilizing than being superficially accepted by many.

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As individuals.

We believe that we are singular systems moving through life, making choices, building paths, shaping outcomes.

That may be true to an extent, but not completely

We don’t begin life as singular systems.

We begin inside another system. A womb.

Contained and protected.

Nurtured automatically.

Until we have to separate and face our systemic reality.

So when we enter life, we are not just “born or becoming.”

We are continuing within systems that have already defined movement patterns for us.

First, the family.

A lesser contained structure with its own:

• rules

• expectations

• ways of responding

• definitions of what is acceptable

Then, as that system expands, others are added.

Schooling systems.
Social systems.
Cultural systems.

Each one layered onto the previous one.

Each one shaping how we move, often before we are aware that we are moving at all.

By the time we meet other people as individuals, we are already structured.

Not neutral.
Not undefined.

But quasi-shaped.

And most of that movement is not deliberate.

It is automatic.

We move:

• because something is expected

• because something is allowed

• because something is available

• because something feels familiar

Sometimes we call it desire.

Sometimes we call it opportunity.

Sometimes we call it choice.

But often, it is simply movement within a system we did not design.

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Convergence and Divergence

With every movement we make from the moment of becoming, something happens to our own structure.

We either:

• adapt to the system

• or shape ourselves against it

And this is where paths begin to separate.

Converging Systems

Some people move through life by following a structure.

Listening, aligning, and adapting to what is already defined.

As they adapt they may be required to chip away at themselves.

Small adjustments. Compromises that feel insignificant at the time.

Until they accumulate into something they may no longer recognize.

But there is a benefit to that.

Their systems become:

• filled

• layered

• stabilized

From the outside, their lives often look coherent and contained.

They become the perfect example of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

A life that builds upward. Layer by layer.

Each level reinforcing the next.

and everything is predictable in a way that allows continuity.

And for many, that works.

But not everyone moves that way.

Diverging Systems

There are people who choose to refine and test.

they push against what is given.

they try to understand instead of simply follow.

they can’t just follow structure.

They try to understand it. Question it. Experience it directly instead of inheriting it.

And that changes everything for them.

Because instead of filling an existing structure, they begin shaping their own.

And that shaping is neither clean, nor linear.

It does not always stabilize in the expected order.

For diverging systems, meaning may come before safety.

Awareness may come before belonging.

Clarity may come before stability.

And instead of forming a traditionally filled systems,

System of different shapes emerge.

They may look incomplete or broken to the observer.

But in reality, their systems are just structured differently.

And the emerging structure is not random. It was the culmination of shaping systems that

Do not accept arbitrary inputs.

Cannot be filled just to appear complete.

Need compatibility to stabilize.

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The Individual Journey

Because the world around us still operates on a specific model.

A model that assumes:

If you follow correctly, your system will fill.

If your system is not filled, something must be wrong.

That is why the journey of differentiated systems is filled with tension

The tension of

following one’s structure or the normalized structure.

building more or understanding more.

submitting to what’s available or recognizing what is compatible.

accumulating structure or preserving coherence.

And depending on every choice, every encounter and every challenge, a different kind of path can be created.

a path that may be unpredictable and largely unsupported by existing systems.

But may be more aligned with how this unique system actually functions,

in more way that matter.

Final Thoughts

The life journey of a Diverging System is not easy.

It is usually filled with questions more than answers.

rejections more than acceptance

lonesomeness more than support

courage more than safety

But when the coherence of meaning, structure, function and path appears

Nothing else will matter.

because you will be walking ahead, stronger than ever before.

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I was walking by the sea when a thought kept repeating itself in my mind.

Everything in the universe is a system.

Not metaphorically. Literally.

Lives.
Relationships.
Companies.
Countries.
and Societies

are all systems built on rules, roles, incentives, and hierarchies.

Even the body is a system made of smaller systems.
Organs. Tissues. Cells.
Cells made of molecules.
Molecules made of atoms.

It could keep going down and up the same way for as far as our imagination could go and beyond.

Nothing exists outside of systems.
Everything exists in the system is needed

That thought was somewhat comforting.

because it suggests that existence itself implies necessity.

This means that my existence in the grand system, known as life, must serve some purpose.

Not necessarily a visible one.
Not necessarily a valued one.
But a purpose nonetheless.

But that for what purpose?

Because being part of a system is not the same as being correctly placed within one.

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Existence of a Problem

Looking back at my life, I have often wondered why I existed.

There didn’t seem a reason for being born, suffering and continue suffering.

but as I keep reflecting back, with every passing challenge I face, I started seeing a pattern that was hard to ignore.

Applying the system’s theory, many of the problems I have encountered were not random.
They were systems that were not working well.

Misalignments.
Contradictions.
Unspoken rules.
Structures that were weak.
Pillar that were about to tumble down.

And somehow, my presence made those things visible.

Not intentionally. Not strategically.
But consistently.

Like a child pointing its innocent finger at something strange they see.

And when that happens, something predictable follows.

The system does not say:
“Thank you for showing us what is broken.”

It reacts. To shush the child and diverts its gaze

So everyone could go back to normal
or what they liked “to believe” as normal
rather than changing what is broken.

And “the tiny finger” that revealed the fracture becomes the problem.

I am a “Special” System

By thinking of myself as a system
a different interpretation starts to emerge.

Maybe what I carry is not a conventional role.
Not a title. Not a position.

But a function.

A function that detects what is not coherent.
A function that exposes what does not align.
A function that makes invisible instability visible.
A function that cannot un-see what doesn’t work.

In theory, every system needs that function.

But in reality, not every system welcomes it.

This is where the real question begins.

and it’s no longer:

Do I matter?

But:

Where can my function fit without being rejected?

The Missing Middle of Maslow’s Hierarchy Pyramid

I have often wondered about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, where life is often imagined as a pyramid.

Basic needs at the bottom.
Safety.
Belonging.
Esteem.
And at the top — meaning.

What I have come to realize is that my life structure does not follow that sequence.

I have meaning.

I understand, at least partially, what I do and how I see.

And I have the base.

I am alive. I function. I continue.

But the middle layers —
work, relationships, financial stability —
have been missing most of my life.

So instead of a stable pyramid, what exists is a gap.

Top and bottom, with no middle!

Looking at this missing middle through the social lens

shows an incomplete life that should be filled.

Filled with:

• the right job

• the right relationship

• the right family structure

• the right life configuration

As if completion is simply a matter of addition.

But if I look at the structure of my life from a system’s lens

That gap is not abstract, neither it is instability

It is true that it is not a conventional form
Not a pyramid.
Not a linear progression.
Not something that is filled from the bottom up.

But it is something unique to me and my system. A shape that is closer to a ring.

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Needs to Fill vs. Needs to Function

And a ring does not fail because it is hollow.

Its strength comes from its continuity.

Its purpose comes from what it allows:

• movement

• continuation

• interaction with other systems

• containment

It is not meant to be filled.

It is meant to interface.

and force-filling it just because the middle layers are not neutral is invasive.

Reaching this conclusion changed the way I look at my life. My system.

The questions are no longer:

Am I needed?

Where am I needed?

or what am I missing?

a better question is:

Where can this function exist recognized as value rather than incomplete or a threat?

That is a much narrower space to look for the answers.

Some systems will use it.
Some will resist it.
Some will label it as the problem they need to remove.
Some will cherish it and benefit from it.

and the last is the space for my system function to exist

Final Thoughts

I don’t have a clean answer to where is that space yet.

But I think I understand the shape of the problem now.

And for the first time, the solution feels a lot more permissive.

it is not:

“I need to fill the gaps in my life”

But:

“I am unique and I need to find the place(s) where I feel welcomed and valued”

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